I see whacha doin, chica.
Now..why would you believe it was me that Jared was talking to? hmmm.
Cause he posted one of our conversations and it was a dorky conversation so you automatically linked it to me?....
OR...
You are still trying to draw the attention of our mutual friend toward me in the off-chance that he may still be a serial killer (cause it hasn't REALLY been proven otherwise). This way I may still be "appetizing"(I believe is your word) to him and he will come after me first.
That, my friend, is a NO-NO.
And maybe you are thinking that telling him a compelling story about a childbirthing experience (which was beautifully written, I must say) will sway him from looking at you first.
Not gonna happen.
NO WAY JOSE!
You see. You've already got him won over. I do believe in one of his earlier posts..he announced that you were his favorite blog so far. I haven't heard him exclaim anything else about a new favorite so I believe you are still top runner.
He's more fixated on you than me with the whole 'marriage in 10 yrs' so I feel pretty safe in the knowledge that my family should be safe for now.
Your plan has been thwarted. (or however they say it)
I read your blog about how you pretty much constantly run horrible tragic scenerios of things happening to the family...I do it to0.... constantly. So I am already one step ahead of you by deflecting your gestures. (if that makes any sense).
Remember....you started it.
Thank you for your time.
Your friend,
Sheila
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14 comments:
You're on to me. Sigh. You're smarter than you look.
Here's the thing. If it really IS Jared Leto, than I would like to go ahead and accept his hand in marriage in ten years. And yes you can still be in it...whip cream and all. His kids are cute. We could have a big family together. I'd cook him fish. We'd have it all.
However, if it's NOT Jared Leto than I don't want to be too accessible to him. Maybe if he reads some tragic stories and see's my passion for life he'll let me go. Imposter Jared likes freaky girls. Girls who will massage him while wearing sexy lingerie.
Come to think of it, he may like Shelby...she looks like she could be freaky AND she doesn't have kids. Let's face it I think BOTH our kids will be in a world of trouble if we're killed. Shelby is young...she lacks direction...and I bet she's a knock out in lingerie...
Ok I'm gonna fix this...gotta get you off my back or I may have two crazies to deal with...off to "Jared's" blog I go...
Uh...are you saying I don't look smart?(I'll address that another time).
Ok..so I'm totally cool with hanging out with the whip cream and all in about 10 yrs. Thanks for the invite(s). Fish may actually make him want to kill you sooner. He gags at all my stories of how Angel goes fishing and we eat fish a lot etc... (another reason I am safe..I will ALWAYS have fish around).
Now..about the sexy lingerie....Proof #2...I won't be fitting in any kind of sexy lingerie any time soon and I can always make sure of that. You on the other hand may have just filled him with an abundant amount of fantasies to hold him over for 10 yrs.....with your cute pic of you in your sweet little apron.
Yes..it may be in YOUR best interest if we focus his attention to Shelby.
She's cute..and I believe she mentioned something about her moving and may or may not be possibly living on her own...lingerie would definately look good on her..
Maybe we should send her a duplicate of your apron as a housewarming gift and have her post a pic of her in it on her blog...
Think that'll work?
Jaaaaarrrreeeeeddddd...where aaaaarrrrreeee yoouuuuu? Hmmm...me thinks you might be safe. He doesn't seem to be anywhere around.
Hey, I didn't see that you tagged me!!! That's awesome!! I'm so flattered and I'll be sure and post my answers.
Okay, I'm off to proclaim myself as a minion of the anti-christ to see if I can score an invite to his blog. I'm intruiged.
Okay, you guys are hysterical and I don't even have access to Jared's blog. I feel like a kid locked outside the candy store. Keep teasin me. I'll take any scraps I can get.
I specifically did not pose naked under that apron to protect myself from "imposter jared"...I'm saving that for real Jared.
And scratch that thing about fish...if the real jared hates fish then I will avoid it...I thought he just hated chicken. Grilled veggies and pasta it is. Whatever he wants. I'll wear my apron every night and serve him like the king he is. Ok that's gross...Excuse me while I gurgle dish soap...Ok better.
As I was saying. Must. Divert. Attention.
Mission Shelby in the works...
Ps Heather and Mrs. Romero you can SO be Jared's friend. He's really a great guy, stand up Dad, funny, etc.
(Psst. Shiela, the more people we can get to be jared's friends the better...must. divert. attention.)
KATHY...
Good choice on the "no nudity under the apron thing'.
Yes...you may have gone a little overboard with the whole 'serving king' thing also. BUT...that's ok...now maybe he won't kill you..he may just enslave you and have him serve veggies and pasta....(like you said)...EVERYNIGHT...in that most famous apron you are wearing posing on the counter in the kitchen where the veggies and pasta are....KATHY.
Heather and Mrs. Romero really need to gain access to the blog so that theY can be Jared's 'friend' too...cause this could get discreetly ugly.
(stop mentioning my name at the end of posts KATHY so that I am the last thing he reads and we can stop this....KATHY!)
The first one to get him to comment on my blog gets a prize. Okay, that's Mrs. Romero's idea, so he has to comment on both of our blogs and you'll hit the jackpot.
He's got to tell us who the winner is.
Alright Heather...hopefully Jared will see this post and pay you and Mrs. Romero a visit. AND...hopefully he will realize that I came across you guys through KATHY.
Heather and Mrs. Romero - I will get Jared to leave a comment on your page and the prize will be that you will join the elite on his hit list. Congratu-freaking-lations.
The more the merrier...and you all can come to our wedding in ten years...but the position of bridesmaid has been taken by SHIELA!! Ok SHIELA!?! Thanks SHIELA!!
I am so confused... I really need to keep up
Will the real Jared Leto please stand up?? LOL , the imposter J and the real J, how freakin funny, LOL Maybe I'm just blonde and naive, but I've never questioned who he is, but dont squabble over him unless u dont really mean it! Hugs to ya Sheila,tc mf,
Julian
This conversation is it's own post...or maybe a book?
You people need to live by me, so we can go have some wine. Right now.
Originally, I thought this was the "Subway Jared", which really would have been just as interesting.
I WAS talking about Subway Jared...who were you all talking about???
Aww you guys are so sweet to SACRIFICE ME ON THE ALTER OF SERIAL KILLERS!!!
Thanks guys, lol. What GREAT blogger friends I have!!
"She's young and cute...WE'LL USE HER AS BAIT!!"
Hey, at least you love me enough to admit I have a stellar quality or two. But I have to say, I think that Imposter Jared would (as most serial killers do) kill people close to him so...maybe his friend "Jen" or anyone else in the Los Angeles metro area. If that is indeed where he lives.
AND:
1. I DO look good in lingere
2. I make a good bridesmaid
3. While I might (MIGHT) live alone, I can kick some major home-invader ASS with a baseball bat and pepper spray
4. Boyfriend is HUGE and basically at my disposal.
But girls, I love ya anyway. =)
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