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Thursday, May 14, 2009

My parenting style

In light of my recent post.


I was wondering about some of the parenting styles of my readers.

Let me tell you a little more about myself.


If you have been reading my blog from the beginning, you will know that I am a strict parent.
I feel that I have to be. I need to be.


I can't stand for my children to be running all over the place as if they don't have any sense or like they don't know any better.


No, you won't see my kids climbing on chairs or tables or running rampant in restaurants.


No, you won't hear my kids yelling at the top of their lungs or throwing tantrums in public places looking like they need a good spanking.


No, you will not hear my kids talking back to me. (At least not without a super-quick glare from hell from Mommie Dearest.)


Yes, you will get proper introductions from each of them upon meeting them, and then again each time afterward. Um hmm, even if that action does require prompting..I will happily prompt in order for them to learn respect.


Yes, you will hear them say "Please", "Thank You", "Yes Ma'am", "No Sir"...etc. as part of their everyday vocabulary. That's just how we roll.


Now, when it comes to Dominique, he thinks he's grown already.
14 does not make him grown. What makes him "grown" (to me) is the respect he should have for himself and other people.


He's not old enough to care for himself properly so I am here to make sure that he gets just about everything he needs (this goes for all of my children but I am just focusing on Dom right now because we are in this situation).


Our life as a whole could be worse. Right now, we are at the best we have ever been (financially) so we are able to provide for our children in a very humble but respectable manner.

But still, that doesn't mean the we can get a big head and act like we are all that.

I don't allow that. I prefer to remain humble and remind my kids that we need to be grateful that we have what little we DO have. Also the fact that we are able to keep what he have.


As a child, I grew up knowing we didn't have much but thinking we at least had some neat stuff.
Then that neat stuff started to disappear and we would get more neat stuff and then that would disappear.
Little did we know that the pawn shops were the latest hot spots.
They had all of our coolest crap.


Anyway.....


For the longest time, my brother bought the game consoles for Dom as he was growing up. I don't know what happened but somewhere along the way he lost sight of appreciation.

Oh yeah, did I mention that he has an IQ of 140? Yeah, he's trying to master the art manipulation. He thinks he can get away with things with me but he's quickly learning that I am the "Master" and he is the "Grasshopper".


Dom starts getting to these points throughout time where he gets around people who subconsciously remind him that he's waaay smarter than they are. So, he slowly starts to climb up on this pedestal and it's hard for someone to knock him down. He will say things in condescending ways and I pick up on it immediately.

Right then and there I have to make him aware of it in order for him to humble himself and realize that he isn't better than everyone else.


These "adjustments" are the way I do it.


I used to spank* my kids but I'm way past that now.

Is it wrong to want your children to be respectful? To utilize the manners you have taught them?


I don't think so and I stick by what I think.



So, for any one of you guys who are wondering how Dom is taking his transformation.....you know, with his hair cut off and all.....

What do you think?

You think he looks sad? Or depressed? Or like his life is ending because he can't dress how he wants to right now?


Nope.


He knows that it was a consequence he was going to have to pay and he is fine paying it.
Besides, his hair will grow back and his clothes are in my closet. When he changes his attitude...he will get them back.


He's growing up to be a great young man. He tells me everyday that he loves me (He just told me a few minutes ago).


So...Now, I know I'm doing the right thing.

9 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

He looks fine to me :)

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

that's cool, your parenting style is like my parents were. my parenting style i think is still in it's developing phase. since my son is just 3, he's still in that "iffy" phase for me. he can still cry when i raise my voice at him and it tears me up. i won't spank him because i think at this age he still doesn't get what "spanking" is. my ex-wife on the other hand is the strong arm. you can tell by the way he acts with me vs. the way he acts with her. i guess i'm a big softee right now, but i feel like with boys my role as the disciplinarian starts when he gets a little older. i think me and his mom will probably switch roles at that point, because boys have to be kept in line & taught right from wrong EARLY. right now i'm the parent that can't leave out the store w/o buying him something he's conveniently stuck in the basket.

momcat said...

My 14 yo is also testing the waters and acting the big man. They do need to understand that growing up comes with responsibilities and they need to be given boundaries. You are doing the right thing.

~Sheila~ said...

MOMTJ:
He is fine. I think he may actually be getting more attention from the girls with this look. He doesn't seem to be fighting it.

TUN:
You and your ex mirror my husband and I. I'm the disciplinarian and he's the laid back one. He takes them to the beach and lets them play with fire. I have to have "order" as opposed to "chaos".
3 years old is a age for Dad's to have a good time with the kids (any age, really) because when they get older...women will need some help in this day and age keeping the kids in line.

Momcat:
The water testing and boundry pushing is only getting more frequent as they get older. They want more so they fight harder. I've turned to rationalizing with Dom to help him understand why things are the way they are.
It seems to be working.

Sassy Mama said...

You are a GREAT mom & the fact that you are on top of your children teaching them to be respectful & responsible shows how much you love them. This will shape them into wonderful & successful adults. Dom is highly intelligent, quick & witty and yes he does think he is smarter than adults! So you have to remind him that if he were sooo smart he would know to play the game! (Go to school, get the best grades you can, follow your parents' rules and keep your rock star clothes & hair, the guitar, video games & all other privileges!) Tell him we love him!

Cherlyn said...

I tagged you!

honkeie2 said...

When it comes to parenting it is up to the parents....end of story. And yes respect must be taught and if its tough love then its tough love. I work with a few people who did not learn it and I make them pay when they come into my little world and try to disrespect my group. And you know those people that think their shit dont stink. And I love putting them in their place, and if it takes spanking or whatever to teach it then so be it. By the way I still spank mine, and you know what they still come running to me every night and say the love me.
You are doing right!

Lora said...

you are doing a great job! I am a "parenting porfessional" from 9-5 and what you are doing is EXACTLY what we teach parents to do.

teach respect and show respect is the underlying theme. it seems you are doing just that.

good job! these tough times will pay off

Ace C said...

This post sounds too much like my Mom.