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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sad Day.

I debated whether I wanted to write this post today.

It's pretty depressing.

If you're in a good mood....go somewhere else.

Yesterday was a sad day for me.

Miah woke me up in the morning at 7 AM to tell me that My dad's tiny dog was in the street in front of the house. Dead.
I jerked up and said, "WHAT? No...no.."

And I jumped over Angel, because our bed is pushed up against the wall and I sleep against the wall.

I ran out of the house with no shoes on and into the street. My sister was there in the street standing over the dog telling me to bring her something to pick her up with because she was still alive. . I just stood there for a minute with my mouth open, scared thinking "nooo...nooo."

I looked at her body up close and there was blood coming out of her mouth/nose but nowhere else on the body.
I told her, "I don't think she is."

Then I ran back to the house to grab something. What do I get? A bag? No. A towel? no. no.

I finally got one of those recyclable grocery bags and ran back out of the house. I swooped her up and carried her back to the house and laid her on the table and tried to see if she was breathing. I went and got my stethoscope to try to hear a heartbeat.

Her eyes were open but she wasn't flinching or blinking.

She wasn't moving.

She wasn't breathing.

It wasn't beating.


The first person I thought of was Dad.
"Oh No, Dad. He's going to be so sad."


My parents are still in NY with my Brother and SIL.
I had to call and tell him. I didn't want to call. I didn't want to tell him.


I called.

No answer to the house phone, the cell phone, or SIL's cell phone.

I called again.

Bobby answered the house phone. I told him what happened and he put mom on the phone.

I told her.

She told Dad.

I heard him say in the background, "Okay, the dog kept getting out so we knew it was bound to happen."

Mom said, "Well, she always dug under the fence to get out so that's what happens."


That was about it.

We hung up.


I was still stuck on this end with a poor dead doggie and then I started thinking about the kids.

MIAH!

She's the one who saw her first.
She's the one who told ME about it.

I went to Miah and asked her, "Baby, are you alright?"
She nods yes.

I asked her, "Were you scared."
She nods yes.

I hug her and tell her how sorry I am that she had to see that and she tells me, "It's Okay, I've seen dead things before."

Then I remembered we've had so many dead hamsters and the kids have shed a few tears over them and then they were fine.

I then had to go and tell Dom what happened to the poor doggie. He was asleep. I woke him up and told him and he said, "For real? She was supposed to be inside!"

I told him, "I know, but I let her back outside because I didn't know if she would poop in the house."


Miah and I had just given her a bath the day before because I had planned on letting her be in the house overnight since she was so small. I changed my mind at the last minute and put her back out because the flea bath we gave her wasn't all that effective and she had a tick earlier that we removed.

For this. I felt so guilty.

I felt so responsible.

Here I am, taking care of my parent's dogs. I actually went to their house and brought them over to mine so that no one would worry about the dogs.


I finally went and told Devyn. He was asleep and I told him. He frowned, gave me a hug and went back to sleep.


My dad called me again a little later and let me know that it wasn't my fault...that we all know the dog always got out of the yard...she was always in the street...it was bound to happen..He doesn't blame me at all so there's no need to cry...I love you...how are the kids? Okay, talk to you later...bye.

I cried a little bit and told him, "Yes, sir....yes, sir....okay...yes, sir... I love you too, kids are doing fine, okay...bye."

I had to take my sister back to her house so I put my shoes on and drove her home. As soon as I drove away...I busted out crying.


From then on, I couldn't stop.

All day long. We covered the dog in plastic and I just kept going back and petting her and telling her how sorry I was that I didn't let her sleep in the house.


I finally went to my room, crawled in the bed and cried.

Angel never left the room. He never left the bed. He was snoring so loud but it was good because no one could hear me cry.

Except for Miah.
She came in and climbed on the bed and hugged me.


Finally, I woke up Angel and asked him to please take the dog.

He got up and did as I asked, no questions asked.

When he got back, he was planning on going fishing overnight at the island and the kids were going to stay with me.

He changed his plans and stayed with me and the kids.

I cried all day.

I couldn't stop.

I tried to keep my composure. We were out running errands and I was crying in front of people but smiling to them as we exchanged money for a purchase. I was thankful for my large black skull glasses because they could hide the puffiness of my eyes.

Later in the day, Angel thought I had allergies but I had to tell him, "No, I'm still crying...I don't feel as sad as before but I can't stop."


Throughout the day, the kids hugged me and hugged me and showed me empathy.

When it was night and they were in the bed, I went to each of their rooms and thanked them for all of their compassion. I got another hug from each of them.

My children are the best.



My husband is the best.

He actually wrestled with the fact that he wanted to go on that overnight fishing trip but then he saw how I was and decided to stay home and be with me. I needed him and he was there.


He actually helped me rearrange my room last night.

I guess he figured he couldn't say no.


I'm feeling a little bit better as time goes on. I still cry a little bit today but that's what we go through when something happens.

I loved that little dog.

8 comments:

Mama Kat said...

Awwwww...I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Animals are little lives just like us and it's never easy to let one go...let alone watch it happen...let alone feel responsible for it. :( Hang in there!

Superwoman said...

All love I'm sorry. Keep her in your heart!!

The Nice One said...

How sad....I am so sorry for your loss....hugs.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Oh I'm so sorry :( I'm crying with you now, poor little doggie.

Maternal Mirth said...

I am soooo sorry for you ... *hugs*

Dana said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! It's always hard to lose a loved pet.

~Sheila~ said...

TO ALL:

I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR KND WORDS. I AM FEELING BETTER NOW AND HOPEFULLY NO ONE HAS TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE THAT ANYTIME SOON.

I'M VERY APPRECIATIVE.
THANKS AGAIN!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

i'm sorry about your dog, glad everyone was able to take it so well. and that the kids & angel all helped you get through it it all. i know i'm mad late, but eh...