These past few days...

...have been trying.

To say the least, my husband's grandmother passed away yesterday morning. I knew she was in the hospital a day or two before but I didn't really expect it to be serious. One of the only people who knew how serious it was was my cousin Cindy. She's been living with Grandma and have been taking care of her. She has sacrificed a lot and I know she must really be hurting.

I love you Cindy.

Yesterday, Angel and I were going to get ready to head to the hospital. I had already had my patients rescheduled so that I can go and Angel was fortunate to be rained out of work so he was off that day. We were getting ready to go and we got the call that she had already passed. Angel was on the phone and when he got off I asked him if everything was "ok". He said, "No, Grandma died this morning".

I felt numb. He went into the bathroom and closed the door. I went to my work (which is conveniently around the corner) and told them that I was going to need some days off. Then I came back home to Angel.

Angel has been "okay" so far. I haven't been around him much. He's been keeping himself busy trying to see what he can do for everyone. I don't think he's really taken time for himself. I'm waiting for that time and any time so that I can be there.

A lot of crying from everyone. I don't know how to react. I can't help myself either. Angel said that after the funeral everyone comes back to her house every evening for 9 days. Hmph....that's a lot of grief and I don't know if I can handle that.

I loved Grandma. The kids loved her too.

I had a chance to spend a little time with her before her passing and I thanked her for accepting Dominique and I into her family, to be with Angel, without prejudice. She told me that she wanted her family to be happy no matter who they loved.

One of my favorite stories that I like to tease Angel about is from several years ago. We were already married by then and he would wear jeans that didn't really fit and they would be hanging off of his butt. Grandma will stop him and ask to look at his pants and he had to lift his shirt up and show him. She would try to pull his pants up and tell him, "Why do you wear your pants like that? You're not a teenager anymore, you can't wear your pants like that". He would always get embarrassed. I would always threaten to tell his grandma when he was doing something wrong.

Angel, Grandma and I shared the same birthday. Now our birthdays will seem a little empty because we are one less. It's almost an empty feeling even though I still share it with Angel.

The funeral is on Monday. It's going to be rough being around a lot of people who will be crying uncontrollably and still trying to be strong for my husband. I don't think his damn has broken yet.

I'm just waiting...

She was the only grandmother I ever really knew.

I love you Grandma Imelda.