MAGIC MIKE?

A short time ago, a couple of friends of mine and I decided we wanted to make it a girls night out.
We had drinks at a friend's house early . The night was going smoothly at this point, and we had planned to see Magic Mike. (I know ladies and gents, I know. Please try to contain your "EXCITE" ment).

When the time came to go to the theater, we found that all the showings were SOLD OUT!

We scrambled to another theater, SOLD OUT!

Uh, What's going on here? 
We didn't realize how many women in the valley were sitting in theater seats at THAT moment. 3 of those seats should have been OURS! 

That movie was sold out for quite awhile.
By the time my friends and I decided to watch the movie, I felt like we were getting sloppy tenths and I'm pretty sure some of their man-parts weren't THAT low when the movie first came out.
No, I'm serious.
We got to see the movie at the dollar cinema where we only paid $1.50. I took a whole $5. I was happy I had money left over to stick in some one's undies!

Let's talk about the movie.


I know I should be ecstatic about a group of men who like to gyrate in their less than undies to some crazy music I'm sure is playing in the background. At first, I was mesmerized by their package stage performance, but then I started noticing women being dragged on stage as if they reaaaaallllyyy didn't want to go (yeah right). 

Then, they put her on a chair and would proceed to grind their ass up and down the woman's body. 
I'm sure some women like this kind of fore-play but I'm not seeing a whole lot of pleasure from the women. I'm not even getting any pleasure watching it.

AND THEN..., and you're not gonna believe THIS, they turn around and  begin to suffocate dry hump her face. 
NO KIDDING!
I SHIT YOU NOT!

Every scene like that (and believe me, there were a lot of them) had me thinking to myself. 
I DO NOT want to go to a male dance review whatever the fuck. I DO NOT want to get poked in the chin, eye, cheek, nose....etc. like those women. I don't think it's cute or sexy. 

I DID, however, think it was fucking HILARIOUS!!
I laughed throughout the whole movie.

I have to warn you though. There were some parts that were utterly disgusting.
For the love of GOD, why didn't anyone tell me Kevin Nash was going to be in it?

Not even a head's up?

I believe someone should have called, texted, faxed, messaged or even smoke signaled to let me know I was in for this crazy surprise.
I thought you guys were my friends!

NOT SEXY! Not Sexy At All! 


Ughhh, It pains me to look at him, and I had to see him in a banana hammock? Is there no Mercy?

If you women think this chunk of man is sexy, better you than me!
I saw this man in action and let me say. I've seen Turtles gyrate faster and sexier than he does.
Poor baby, he was so stiff (and I'm not referring to his member).
There was a stage FULL of half naked men dancing and thrusting and suffocating women and I couldn't take my eyes off the TIN MAN here. Someone needed to lube him up and I, at this time, am choosing to use my "opt-out" option. Thankyouverymuch..

There was a scene where he is supposed to be seducing a woman "Tarzan Style" but I, personally, would rather have preferred to be left to fend for myself against the gorillas.

Maybe that's why they left him off the main poster.

TO TRICK ME!!