2 Minutes

That's how long it takes Angel to fall asleep.

I've learned to use this knowledge to my advantage.

For example: If I'm not in the mood for sex...I just lay VERY still...for 2 minutes and "play possum". He gets bored...or forgets what he is doing and he's out like a hibernating bear.

Keep that in mind because it's going to be relevant in a moment.

We don't have central air or heat in my house (I know what you are thinking but remember ....older house...given to us…etc). Now, I know its cold, you know its cold...Angel? Not quite sure if he's aware. I had to remind him to get portable space heaters for the kid’s rooms and thank goodness he did. My room gets the coldest because of lack of insulation. I was freezing my ass off in bed. Lucky for me, Angel generates a lot of heat. One particular night my knees were freezing so I wiggled closer to Angel in hopes of thawing out. I accidentally touched him with my knee and he woke up. He started complaining about how cold I was and why was I touching him and why am I waking him up...etc. I explained that I was cold and needed to get closer to warm up but he didn't want me to. I was TOO COLD FOR HIM!

That's ok!

Whatever dude.

Go night-night.

I'll wait 2 minutes and you’ll be back in REM stage in no time.

Sure enough....2 minutes later…

I'm nice and toasty.

What the hell is the big deal??? (another TMI for ya)

Angel and I have been having this discussion lately and it's really driving me up the wall.

I asked Angel to buy me some tampons and he flat out said NO!

Now, I understand that some guys do it and some guys don't. Thing is...we're not talking about some random guy I met off the street and I put in a request with him for tampons. I'm talking about my own husband who should know my cycle better than I do. (well, maybe not MY husband ..but still)

When I was younger, my dad used to buy them for my mom (and had on occasion gotten some for me).

In reality, it's just another item off of the shelf. If men are at the register with a box of tampons..what exactly do you think people are thinking? They KNOW they are not for YOU! Some people (women) may even look at you with admiration and feel slight jealously for the woman who will be receiving this precious gift (precious gift? yeah, ok...that may be overdoing it a bit) because their husbands may be riding the short bus. (like mine)

Of course, on occasion, other men may look at you and snicker (maybe not) but still..who cares?

I had to create a couple of scenarios that may sway his decision:

Scenario #1:

Me: Now, what if I was stuck on the toilet and I was out of toilet paper and at that exact moment was the time I realized we had a visitor and it was "Aunt Flo".

I call you on the phone and ask you to please bring some toilet paper AND bring some tampons for me cause I NEED them. I'll send you a pic through the phone so you know exactly what to get and you won't be cruising the isle wondering. It'll be quick. In and out. I won't even ask for the BIG BOX.

His answer: I'm not buying them.

...And you better hope you have toilet paper...use that, wad it up and go to the store.

Me: What!?!? Why not?!

C'mon now. I'm your wife of ten years. You wouldn't buy me necessities?!?!

Him: Nope!

Me: I go with you to Academy to get fishing gear!!!

Him: That's not even the same thing!!

Me: I KNOW...but I DO it!

Moving on...

Scenario #2

Me: What if I was lying on my death bed and I asked you for one thing before I drift off into the light with love in my heart. I call you close (because I am older and I would probably go first) and I whisper (with my last breath) my wish into your ear ..."tampons".

His answer: I'm not buying them. Besides, it was your last breath. You're dead now.

Me: Okay, so not my last breath, but I'm hanging on to dear life until my wish is fulfilled.

His answer: I'm not buying them.

Me: What!?!? C'mon!! I'm on my DEATH BED!! I'm asking you for my one last dying wish and you are sending me to the great beyond without fulfilling my wish??? What kind of husband are you??

His answer: You'll be too old to need them. YOU'LL BE DYING!! You're WAAAY past menopause. What do I need to buy them for?

Me: It's the principle!

Him: THE KIDS WON'T EVEN BE IN SCHOOL ANYMORE!! NOW YOU WANT ME TO BUY SOME FOR THE PRINCIPAL?!?

Me: No BEAVIS!! I mean it's a way of showing me that after all of these years you DO love me and would eventually do what is needed.

His answer: I'm not buying them.

Me: Geez, man!

Still trying...

Scenario #3:

Me: Alright. What if we were in this terrible accident and the only thing that would keep me alive is if you bought some tampons.

His answer: That's ridiculous. How would buying tampons save your life?

Then I had to think fast....

Me: What if you needed the tampons to stop my bleeding before I bled out.

Him: You better hope your not on your period if we have an accident.

Me: What!?! No...I didn't mean THAT BLEEDING...ughhh!

Him: Well then, what?

Me: I mean maybe I got a gash or a puncture and we needed something to plug the hole (yeah...I know...plug the hole...I got the mental image too...sorry) and the only thing the store had that was sterile were some tampons but the cashier wouldn't just let you take them. You had to buy them.

FOR ME.

YOUR WIFE.

WHO'S BLEEDING TO DEATH....DYING.

His answer: I'm not buying them.

Me: FINE!!! When it's your turn to go..I'm lining your casket with tampons to cushion your journey!!!

So that's that.

See...stubborn.

I know deep in my heart..if placed in these scenarios he would do it.....fucker. (at least I hope with #'s 2 and 3)

Maybe I can show him that tampons aren't just for women anymore. Think that will work?

I was a little disturbed with our conversation after that so while he was sitting at the computer burning music...I poked him in the ear with a tampon.

So...since I have a few male readers (and I love you guys to death) (that was a little kiss-ass wasn't it) I wanted to know from you guys what exactly is the big deal?

Would you do it?

Is it really that embarrassing in this day and age with everything going on to be embarrassed buying feminine products?

Andy? Would you do it for Capricorn?

Jared?

honkeie2? Do you buy them?

Anybody?

Dom, I know you're reading this so don't think you're exempt! You'll be driving soon and that's initiation #1! Get momma tampons!

About Me-2

I am a light sleeper.

When I say "light", I actually mean "LIGHT"!


Which brings me to the reason I am writing this right now at 2:08 am.


Angel, my beloved husband, is home for the week. His cousins are here with him (yes, right now!) They were here since around 8:30 or so and they have been drinking since then.


Music is blaring because of them.

I can hear the beer bottles clinking around. It's just fucking noisy.

I was sound asleep and they made the bad decision to park themselves RIGHT OUTSIDE my bedroom window. They also decided to make a fire. No. Not just any fire.

They are using the propane tank, hose and round fire thing that you would use for deep frying a turkey (which we will be doing this Thanksgiving if he doesn't catch himself on fire).


I'm very pissed right now because since I don't have the ability to put myself back to sleep after being so rudely awakened, I will be awake until around 4 or 5 am. Then I will be trying to squeeze in as much sleep as I possibly can before I have to go and see my first patient around 7:30am.


To add insult to injury:

Angel the "king of rock" is blaring RAP music.

I hate rap music (<--another fun fact about me)

I just can never get into it.

Then he goes and downloads some Rap that I have never ever heard of before.

ALWAYS WITH RAP GROUPS I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF.


I knock on the window to let him know what a bad decision he made with the fire and the noise and the music.


He comes in, he listens, he understands.


They relocate.


To the....FRONT OF THE HOUSE! Music is even louder.


The damage is done. I'm already up.


Might as well steal a few of their beers.


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Devyn had soccer practice yesterday and they scrimmaged against the girls.




It was a little hard to get the boys to concentrate on just watching the ball and following the ball and running after the ball.
There were girls on the field for goodness sake MOMMY!

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Just my luck. I'm running around town treating patients and I see this:

I needed gas anyway because my car gas light came on and it even made a little "ding" noise to alert me that I was about empty.
I pull up to the pump and get my wallet.
I can't find my Debit card anywhere. I start rummaging through my purse and I still can't find it.
I call Angel cause he is at home with my truck and the jeans I wore yesterday. He checks them for me and he finds them in my pants. He is 2o miles away. I have to scrounge around my purse and the car to come up with $3.00 to put in gas.

That sucks.

Fortunately, as I was going to my next patient's house, I see several stations with the same price. I will fill up tomorrow.

I'M SORRY!

Dear Angel,

I'M SORRY... that you drove 12 hrs to come home and there was chorizzo and eggs waiting for you at 8 am when you arrived.

I'M SORRY... that we (the kids and I) let you sleep, so that you can be well rested from that drive, in order to spend valuable time with your family.

I'M SORRY... that we went to Best Buy to look at car stereos because that is what you said you wanted for your truck (even though you ran off a list of maintanance issues that need to be addressed on your truck).

I'M SORRY... that when we realized the price of the stereos (plus Sirius Satellite Radio...plus the installation charge) that I immediately knew it was better to wait until we get paid on THURSDAY and FRIDAY before we decided to purchase this bundle.

I'M SORRY... that I know what our priorities are and listed them OUT LOUD to you (which include such petty things like...the remainder of the kids school supplies, their school uniforms, gas, food, rent and utilities).

I'M SORRY... that you got a shitty attitude toward me because you couldn't get what you wanted RIGHT THEN AND THERE!

I'M SORRY... that you drove like a maniac on the highway with the kids in the truck and didn't give a shit because you were throwing a man-sized tantrum.

I'M SORRY... that I asked you to leave me at home, by myself, because I didn't want to go with you to your uncle's house right after that so that you can BBQ and drink and be merry with everyone else besides me because you didn't get what you wanted.

I'M SORRY... that I'm upset because I can't give you what you want until Thursday or Friday.

I'M SORRY... that I am sitting at home alone and you don't give a shit.

I'M SORRY... that I was being SOOO selfish today.

Can you please forgive me?

Why do I even try?

I think I can attribute my crappy mood earlier this week to the fact that I knew my husband was going to forget our wedding anniversary...again...even after 9 yrs.

Why didn't I just remind him?

I have been. I even have one of those big desk calenders posted on the wall RIGHT next to the door so you see it on your way out of the room written in RED and yes...with the date circled. It read..."OUR ANNIVERSARY".

I bought him a $50.00 fishing pole (go ahead...laugh) and a card and he came home empty handed and sat on the couch. When he came across his pole and card...(cause I left it in our restroom, where I knew he'd find it) that is when he realized what the day was.

My disappointment must have been obvious...what, with the tears and all. Then he had THE NERVE to get mad at ME for being upset with HIM because he forgot.

Needless to say...I had plenty of room on the the bed last night.

I am really not looking forward to Mother's Day.